Mother's Day Heart Ache

How do I make the hurt go away? How do I justify what I have done? I taught my youngest it’s ok to lie to his mom. It’s ok to send that message to his children. One of the rules I wanted most to impress my children with was, “Never Lie.” The pain I feel proves that point.

Mother’s Day this year was destroyed a lie. I got a phone message that stated that reservations were made for five at the Peppery for next Sunday, see ya there. I thought at first that he had forgotten that Sally was here. I then thought that maybe it was the cost. I could offer to pay for her. So, I called my son and asked if he had forgotten Sally. Maybe it was that she wasn’t welcome to come to our Mother’s Day breakfast. He said, “Can’t she stay home for a couple of hours while you have breakfast.” I said that’s not family. That’s not how I was taught. Money wasn’t the issue. Having her there was. I informed him I would be staying home then. Without any hasitation he said, that was my choice. I hung the phone and realized my special day had just been destroyed.

I thought he was just being selfish and mean. Weeks later I wrote him a letter of concern. That’s how I deal with my pain. He never responded until his Aunt died and we had to chat. He then confessed he had lied to protect his girls. They didn’t want her there. Protect them from what? A heart broken grandma. I thought I had taught them to open their hearts to lost people in need of love. How stupid I have been.

This was Mother’s Day, not a party for the girls. It was my day to feel proud. He allowed them to be cruel to their cousin and crush my heart. I still can’t sleep. I don’t know how to make it go way. The realization is that, I am not a good enough mother to be protected on my special day. Oh Lord, this hurts to write. To admit that all those years I tried so hard, to do my very best, it still wasn’t good enough. How do I make this hurt go away?