High and Heartaches

As I woke up this am my first instinct was to be alert to whether my honey was breathing. You see we’ve been married the 41 years and everyday lately is worrisome. He has high blood pressure, has had heart surgery, PTSD because of Viet Nam and now he’s has sugar diabetes. Lately he’s had some hick ups in his chest. Not like the angina he has to live with. Happenings that leave him light headed and dragging his left foot. Yesterday he was in the garage and he said it felt like someone was pulling his skin from his chin to his chest so tight he couldn’t breath. It hurt. I gave him a nitro and it helped. Yes, we’ve done testing. With no signs of concern. So they say. I am sure some of it is stress created by himself.

As I lay there not hearing a breath, I wonder. How will I fill his sense of humor? I wonder if the family realizes I have tried all I could to keep him safe and medically cared for. I wonder how long I can keep from calling anyone, if he’s gone. Once I call for help I’ll never have him close to me again. A smile comes on my face as the bed begins to jar. It's another good start day.